I've been thinking about something lately.
How often do we notice people?
I don't mean just seeing them.
We see people all day long.
We pass them in the grocery store.
We work beside them.
We live in the same house with them.
We talk to them.
We ask them to do things.
But how often do we really notice them?
I'm beginning to think there's a pretty big difference.
And I'm not sure I'm always as good at it as I should be.
We Notice What's Wrong
I have a confession.
I can walk into a room and notice almost immediately what's out of place.
Something that needs to be fixed.
Something that hasn't been finished.
Something that could be done better.
I don't have to work very hard at that.
It just happens.
But here's what I've been wondering.
If I can notice what's wrong so quickly, why don't I always notice what's right just as quickly?
Why do I notice the one thing someone forgot before I notice the ten things they remembered?
Why do I sometimes recognize a problem before I recognize the person who has been quietly preventing problems all day?
I don't think I'm alone in this.
We tend to notice what interrupts us.
What inconveniences us.
What disappoints us.
But the people who consistently do what they're supposed to do?
Sometimes they become almost invisible.
Until they aren't there.
Then suddenly we realize how much they were doing.
Everybody Wants to Know They Matter
Think about the people in your life.
Your spouse.
Your children.
Your coworkers.
Your employees.
Your friends.
The person who checks you out at the grocery store.
The person who cleans the building after everyone else goes home.
The person who answers the phone.
The person who quietly does their job day after day without much recognition.
How often do we stop and say:
"I noticed what you did."
Not just:
"Good job."
But something specific.
"I noticed how patient you were with that child."
"I noticed you stayed to help when you could have gone home."
"I noticed you remembered something that was important to me."
"I noticed how hard you've been working."
There's something powerful about those words.
Because what we're really saying is:
"I see you. What you do matters."
And I think most of us need to hear that more often than we admit.
Children Teach Us This
One of the things I've always loved about working with young children is how much they want to share their discoveries.
A child comes running up to you with something they've accomplished.
"Look what I did!"
And sometimes what they've done doesn't look particularly impressive to an adult.
Maybe they buttoned their coat.
Maybe they carried a tray without spilling.
Maybe they finally completed a puzzle.
Maybe they wrote their name.
But to that child, it's enormous.
They've worked.
They've practiced.
They've accomplished something they couldn't do before.
And they want someone to notice.
In Montessori education, we try to be careful not to make children dependent on constant adult praise.
We want them to develop the satisfaction that comes from mastering something themselves.
But that doesn't mean we ignore their accomplishments.
We can acknowledge them.
"You worked on that for a long time."
"You did that by yourself."
"You kept trying until you figured it out."
We're not deciding for the child whether their work is good enough.
We're recognizing their effort and growth.
And I wonder why we sometimes forget to do that with adults.
The People Who Make Things Look Easy
Have you ever worked with someone who is so dependable that you almost stop thinking about what they do?
Things get done.
Problems get handled.
The room is ready.
The work is finished.
And you don't really think about it.
Because that's what always happens.
Then one day that person is absent.
And suddenly...
nothing is quite as easy as it used to be.
You discover all the little things they were taking care of that you never even knew needed attention.
I think this happens in families too.
Someone remembers the birthdays.
Someone makes sure there's food in the house.
Someone pays the bills.
Someone checks on an aging parent.
Someone keeps everybody's schedules straight.
And because it happens consistently, we begin to take it for granted.
Sometimes the people who deserve the most appreciation are the ones who make their contributions look effortless.
But effortless doesn't mean easy.
It may simply mean they've gotten very good at what they do.
Appreciation Doesn't Have to Be Complicated
I think sometimes we make recognition harder than it needs to be.
We imagine awards.
Certificates.
Gifts.
Special events.
And those things can be wonderful.
But sometimes appreciation takes thirty seconds.
A handwritten note.
A quick phone call.
A text that says:
"I was thinking about what you did yesterday, and I wanted you to know I appreciated it."
Or simply stopping someone and saying:
"Thank you. I know that took extra effort."
The important thing is being sincere.
People can usually tell the difference between genuine appreciation and something we're saying because we think we're supposed to.
And here's something else I've learned.
The more specific the appreciation, the more meaningful it becomes.
"You're wonderful" is nice.
"I noticed how you helped that new employee feel comfortable when she was nervous" tells someone you were actually paying attention.
That's different.
Sometimes We Don't Know What Someone Is Carrying
There's another reason this matters.
We rarely know everything happening in another person's life.
The person who seems distracted may be worried about someone they love.
The person who seems tired may have been awake half the night.
The person who seems unusually quiet may be struggling with something they haven't told anyone.
We don't always need to know the details.
And we certainly don't need to pry.
But we can be kind.
We can be patient.
We can notice when someone seems different.
Sometimes a simple:
"How are you doing?"
followed by actually listening to the answer...
can mean more than we realize.
Not every problem needs us to solve it.
Sometimes people simply need to know somebody cares.
What About the People Closest to Us?
Here's where this gets uncomfortable.
Sometimes we're better at appreciating strangers than the people we live with.
We'll thank someone for holding a door.
We'll compliment someone at a restaurant.
We'll tell a coworker we appreciate their help.
Then we go home and barely notice the person who has been doing thoughtful things for us all week.
Why is that?
Maybe familiarity makes us forget to pay attention.
Maybe we assume they already know.
But I don't think anyone ever outgrows the need to feel appreciated.
Not children.
Not adults.
Not even the people who seem completely confident and independent.
I wonder how many relationships would improve if we simply became more intentional about noticing the good.
Not pretending the problems don't exist.
Just making sure the problems aren't the only things we notice.
Your Challenge for the Week
This week, I want you to notice three people.
Not just people who do something extraordinary.
Look for the ordinary things that make a difference.
Someone who is dependable.
Someone who shows patience.
Someone who makes your life a little easier.
Someone who has been trying hard.
Someone who might not hear "thank you" very often.
Then tell them what you noticed.
Be specific.
Don't make a big production out of it unless you want to.
Just say:
"I noticed..."
And finish the sentence.
That's it.
Three people.
One week.
A few words.
You may be surprised by what happens.
A Lesson I'm Still Learning
I think part of my challenge is that I tend to look forward.
I see what needs to happen next.
What needs to improve.
What problem needs to be solved.
What opportunity we should pursue.
And those are useful qualities.
But I don't want to become so focused on what needs to change that I overlook the people who are helping make those changes possible.
I don't want someone to work beside me for years and wonder whether I ever noticed their contribution.
I don't want the people I love to assume I take them for granted.
And I don't want to wait until someone is gone before I realize how much they mattered.
That's a lesson worth learning.
And preferably before someone has to point it out to me.
Final Thought
You don't have to change the world this week.
You don't have to accomplish something extraordinary.
You don't have to solve every problem.
But you can make someone feel seen.
You can notice an effort.
You can acknowledge a kindness.
You can thank someone who usually goes unnoticed.
You can encourage someone who's still learning.
You can remind somebody that what they do matters.
And you may never know how much those few words meant.
Because sometimes the smallest things leave the longest-lasting impressions.
Don't underestimate the power of being noticed.
And don't underestimate the power you have to notice someone else.
So this week...
Look around.
Pay attention.
And when you see something good...
say something.
References
- Sharma, Robin. The Everyday Hero Manifesto. HarperCollins, 2021.
- 1 Thessalonians 5:11.
- Philippians 2:3–4.
- Hebrews 10:24.
- Proverbs 16:24.
- Romans 12:10.
- Matthew 25:40.
Remember... life isn't changed by one big decision. It's changed by the little decisions we make every day. Today's small choices become tomorrow's legacy. So choose wisely, love deeply, keep learning, and keep growing. Until next Monday, have a wonderful week... and keep building your legacy, one small choice at a time.